Messing About On The River...

Robin has expressed a desire to go boating.
He suggested hiring a barge for the day and gently watching the world go by as we wend our way down a canal.
Whilst this may sound like a lovely day out I have my doubts.
He's fine when he isn't the captain. After all, he's spent many weeks at sea, all over the world, performing in some fantastic 'floating' theatres.

I also know it's not me.
I have been on many boating holidays, all over Europe, without anything untoward happening.

However, never yet have I been on board a boat of any kind with Robin, without some 'incident' occurring.
The first time was a pedalo in Portugal.
Sounds innocent enough.
We peddled out to the end of the peninsula, sat back enjoying the sun, Robin said, "Every time I feel stressed I'm going to think of this moment."
I said, "I think we're sinking."
We were.
After swimming to some rocks we had to pull ourselves out and watch in dismay as our pedalo sank to the bottom of the sea.
Luckily we were picked up by some passing tourists and deposited back on dry land.
I'm just pleased he'd left his guitar at the hotel...

Some years later we were again on holiday and Robin persuaded me to go in a speed boat.
I knew as the instructor strapped the ignition key to Robin's wrist that this could be a potential problem.
Sure enough, way out to sea, Robin raised his arm to greet a fellow skipper, and our engine cut as the key flew out of the ignition.
It wasn't until we had drifted perilously close to rocks that we managed to get it started.

Many years later I thought we'd try again.
The third and final attempt at boating to date was on Coniston water in the Lake District.
Mid-lake one of the oars fell overboard and son number one knocked Robin on the head with the remaining oar as he tried to attract attention.
All against the backdrop of a screaming baby who didn't like wearing a life jacket one bit.

So forgive me if I'm not sounding too enthusiastic about Robin's latest idea...
Mind you, these 'life experiences' are always good for fuelling the creative instincts, so watch this space.